Boundaries. Part 2.
By Naseeha Tayob Ibrahim

Published in: Self
Date: 31 / 03 / 22

Boundaries are important for a healthy relationship with yourself and others.

In my pervious article I wrote about how boundaries are like “staying within the coloring lines”. Sadly, it wasn’t taught to us in school, so let’s talk about it here. Most people were never taught or even talked to about how to develop healthy relationships in life — personal and even professional and social.

In reality, it is lines we draw for ourselves to protect our needs and feel safe, secure and respected. It tells others what we’re comfortable with and how much of it we’re comfortable with. It also means learning to say no! Setting boundaries is learning to communicate your needs clearly and honestly. It is communicating what is acceptable and what is not. It is an act of self-love and self care and self-respect. These are very important boundaries because they let other people know where the line is, the line that is not meant to be crossed out of respect.

When should you set boundaries? Here are a few points to consider to set boundaries…

  • Feeling like you’re always being taken advantage of whether emotionally, financially, or physically
  • You have difficulty saying “NO”
  • You’re a people pleaser
  • You see to others needs before your own
  • You’re afraid to speak up/communicate your needs/concerns
  • You fear rejection or abandonment so you accept less than what you deserve
  • Doing whatever you want to get your needs met — believing that limits don’t apply to you

How to set them?

Boundaries come up very often in therapy because it plays a big role in your mental well-being and when our mental wellbeing is taken care of we can deliver our best selves in all situations, at all times. By setting boundaries and having those boundaries respected, it brings respect to the relationship and adds value and safety between you and the other person. But when the opposite happens, when boundaries aren’t respected, you feel tense, disrespected and may be even bullied. It happens once and you probably will get over it but when it continues to happen, you will allow anger, fear, hopelessness and even anxiety to build up and as time goes by, these feelings may make you feel stuck or blocked.

1.Why do you need/want boundaries?

Your reasons for boundaries might not be obvious or clear at first and that’s okay. Take some time to reflect on yourself and your relationships and then process your thoughts to notice if anything or anyone triggers you.

2. Every relationship has different needs/boundaries

Depending on the situation or the person/people, the boundaries will look different. Your friendship and social boundaries will look different than your work and professional boundaries. More so, boundaries with family will look even more different than any other relationships because the dynamics are different.

3.Be patient, a boundary is built

Reinforce a boundary until it becomes the norm. You cannot give up or drop it if it doesn’t take. It is important to continue to communicate your needs or concerns if the. The clearer the communication each time, the more solid the boundary. Others need to get used to it an so do you. We’re all learning.

4. Say it

After some reflection has given you an idea of which parts of life needs boundaries and with who, it’s time for action to implement the boundaries. This includes clear communication and/or expressing concerns

5.When you make a change things change

Naturally, when you are different and act different, the other person is going to pick it up and respond accordingly. Some may choose to respect your boundaries, others, not so much. But continuing with your healthy choices and decisions will empower you and you will even find people who support your boundaries and respect it.

About

Naseeha Tayob Ibrahim

I speak. I write. I coach.

I want to make the world a better place.

As an avid reader and writer, it’s no surprise that communications became my career and line of work. There is never one thing in particular that defines who I am, except the fact that I am passionate about everything I do. That made me the odd one out most of my life. It made realize how important it is to listen to my heart.

View profile
Stay in the , subscribe to our newsletter.